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  Hoping it wasn’t obvious, she carefully moved her hand under the table and grabbed Josh’s, holding on tight, with a not-now shake of her head. She gazed ahead, ignoring him as best she could. She wasn’t embarrassed by his show of affection, just too wound up.

  Her fingers strayed to her stomach and she let them rest there for the briefest of moments. Then, realising everyone had finished, she jumped up and began to clear the dishes. It was hard to stay still.

  When everyone was seated again, Howie tapped on his wine glass with his fork. The family quieted immediately; Papa commanded respect. Grasping his walking stick, he struggled to his feet, refusing help from his son.

  ‘Nambina has been in our family for three generations,’ he said. ‘Despite droughts and fires, too much and too little rain, we’ve prospered and gone forward.’

  There was a quiet ‘click’ and Laura looked around to see Josh taking a photo.

  Howie ignored him. ‘Good management,’ he continued, ‘is part of the key to staying viable in today’s farming world, as is marketing and production levels and many other buzz words I don’t understand.’ He smiled and Laura looked down at the table, grinning too. They’d had this conversation only two days earlier.

  ‘And I believe, no matter how much you love something, there’s no point in outstaying your welcome.’ He paused and Laura’s head snapped up. She drew in a quick breath. ‘It’s time to pass it all on to someone who has as much passion and drive as I did when I was young.’

  Howie’s watery eyes fixed firmly on Laura and she felt a rush of heat to her cheeks.

  ‘Would you care to finish, son?’

  Laura turned to look at her dad.

  Sean cleared his throat and stood up. ‘Laura, we know how much you love farming and Nambina. It’s that sort of love I have never understood or had, and it’s why today we are passing the reins of it over to you, darling girl. Howie will still live in the house, but the farm’s yours to run as you see fit. Of course, we’ll keep an eye on the cheque book!’ He chuckled. ‘Dad, Georgie and I believe you are destined for greatness within the ag industry. After all, you’ve achieved so much already. Look at the Young Farmers’ Association that you’ve overhauled and got pumping! It’s just the tip of the iceberg.’ He paused, smiling at her, his face glowing with pride. ‘You’ve got an incredible career in front of you and we can’t wait to watch and see what happens and where it ends up.’

  Laura sat still, eyes wide, unable to think of a word to say. Her whole family was watching, waiting to see her reaction. She opened her mouth. Shut it. Opened it again and said: ‘Uh . . .’

  The table erupted with laughter.

  ‘It’s not often you’re speechless, Laura,’ Georgie said above the noise.

  ‘I think you’ll agree, there is no one better suited,’ Sean finished.

  Chatter broke out but Laura couldn’t distinguish what was being said. She felt Howie’s rough hand patting hers. Her stepmother was smiling at her from the other side of the table and her sisters whispering to each other, throwing weird glances at her. Her stomach heaved a little as she rubbed it gently. Would Papa have made the same decision if he’d known she was pregnant? Sure, Sean had brought home an illegitimate daughter, but that was Howie’s son—it was different for boys. The woman always got judged, not the bloke. She banished the notion. Of course he would have made the same decision!

  She turned towards Josh, who leant forward to kiss her.

  ‘Let’s raise our glasses to Laura and the new era of Nambina,’ Sean said.

  Josh jumped to his feet and began to take photos.

  ‘I, uh, I don’t know what to say.’ Laura turned to Howie, her cheeks red and her face taut with anxiety.

  ‘You don’t have to say anything. We already know your answer.’

  Laura had to look away. Howie’s smile showed how proud he was of her. How excited he seemed to be at this new venture, and she should be too. This was all she’d ever wanted. To be on Nambina, to run it as well as she could, to learn and improve things. To be a leader.

  Howie and Sean understood her drive and passion and had just granted Laura her dream.

  The problem was, she didn’t know if she was up to it now.

  As the day’s light faded, Laura walked Josh out to his ute. The rain had stopped, but the breeze still came in bursts. Laura’s arms were crossed over her chest, trying to ward off the chill.

  She looked towards the shearing shed and further on, to the grazing land. Nambina was red gum country and despite being reasonably flat, the loamy soil ensured it was well drained. When the season broke, strawberry clover and rye grasses grew in abundance and the large gum trees dotted throughout the paddocks stood tall and proud. In the distance, on a hill, the crumbling mansion of the disused asylum stood alone and empty, making Laura shiver.

  ‘Well, that was unexpected,’ Josh said, standing by the door of the ute. He reached out, slipping his arms around her waist and holding her tightly.

  Laura smiled up at Josh and ran her hand over her long hair, trying to stop it from whipping around their faces. ‘You’re telling me.’ She turned into the bitter wind, thankful for the coolness on her burning cheeks.

  ‘Aren’t you pleased? I was sure you’d be jumping for joy.’ He put his cold hand on her face, keeping the other one firmly on her hips and kissed her. Then he let her go.

  Laura touched the place on her lips where his had just been. ‘It’s just really taken me by surprise. I . . .’ She stopped and ran her finger over the chrome badge on the side of the ute, trying to work out what to say next.

  ‘Come on, Laurs. It’s a great opportunity. I can’t think of anyone else who would just get a farm handed to them.’ He tilted his head meaningfully.

  ‘I know.’ She straightened her shoulders and looked him in the eye, knowing he had mistaken her hesitation for being daunted at the prospect. ‘Josh,’ she started, but he had already rushed on.

  ‘You’ll be able to buy some of those White Suffolk rams you and Meghan have been talking about. Man, won’t she be pleased! She’s always been so proud of you. As am I.’ He kissed her again. ‘And Catherine. She’ll be happy too. I can just see you all dreaming and scheming.’ He smiled at her and ran his fingers over her cheek. ‘Be happy about it, not scared. It’s a challenge!’ Opening the ute door, he climbed in and wound the window down.

  Laura gathered her hair into an untidy bun at the nape of her neck. She needed to tell him now.

  ‘I got some great photos today. I’ll get you some prints made.’

  Right now.

  Before he left.

  Laura tried to form the words but her voice remained stubbornly quiet, the words stuck in her head.

  ‘Come here,’ Josh said, gently tugging on her wayward hair to pull her to him. ‘Congratulations, baby,’ he muttered against her lips. ‘You deserve this. See you soon.’

  Laura tucked her arms around her stomach as he started the engine and gave the accelerator a couple of jabs. The V8 rumbled.

  ‘Josh, I really need to talk to you.’ But between the wind stealing her words and the noise of the engine, she knew she hadn’t been heard. The ute jumped forward and Josh drove away down the dirt road.

  As the sound of the vehicle faded into the distance, the sun showed its face for the first time that day. A crimson ray shot through the cloud and reflected off the shearing shed roof.

  Laura stood and watched, confusion whirling within her. She still wasn’t convinced she could manage everything, even with Josh by her side. So where did that leave her?

  Chapter 2

  2000

  ‘Doctors! Surely it can’t be that hard to keep appointment times! I mean, really, we all have lives and things to do.’ Meghan raised her coffee cup to her lips and stared at Laura over the rim.

  They were sitting in a cafe on the main street of Mangalow while Meghan waited to see a doctor at the surgery across the road.

  ‘You, being a nurse and all, would u
nderstand the delays, wouldn’t you?’ Laura asked mildly. ‘Aren’t there times when one patient needs attention more urgently than another? Maybe that’s what’s happening at the moment.’ She took another sip of her water and felt her phone vibrate. Talking and reaching for it at the same time, she continued: ‘Anyway, it’s given us a chance to catch up. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to get a spare hour again. You should see my diary!’ She looked at the number and saw there was a message. She dialled into her message bank.

  Meghan was quiet for a moment. ‘Gah! I know you’re right. I’m just nervous. Impatient,’ she said finally.

  Laura giggled. ‘You? Not possible.’ She shook her head to emphasise her words.

  Meghan broke into laughter and punched her gently on the arm. ‘I need another coffee. Do you want one?’

  ‘I’m fine with the water,’ Laura said. The truth was, she was having trouble keeping even that down. Just the thought of coffee made her almost dry retch.

  Meghan squinted at her. ‘Why, aren’t you drinking coffee? You live on the stuff.’

  Laura held her hand up, listening to the message on her phone. She took her diary out of her bag and started to take notes. When the message ended, Laura stayed on the phone for a few moments, more in the hope that Meghan would go and order and forget her question.

  But Meghan had gone nowhere. Laura looked at her notes and reached for her glass again. ‘Health kick,’ she finally answered.

  Meghan snorted. ‘Why? You’re almost too skinny as it is.’

  Laura changed the subject. ‘Can you believe this? You know Neil, the president of the Young Farmers’ Association? He’s changed the meeting time again! How can I plan anything if he keeps changing when it’s supposed to be! It’s so frustrating.’ She stood up. ‘You order. I’m going to the loo. Be back in a sec.’

  ‘Ha! You were just saying that sometimes things crop up,’ Meghan said to Laura’s back as she walked towards the restrooms. ‘Now it’s your turn to take a chill pill!’

  Pushing open the door into the stall, Laura flipped the lid down and sank onto the seat. With her head in her hands, she tried to fight the tears, but they were threatening to spill over. She really didn’t care that the meeting had been postponed. She was trying to stop her best friend from finding out she was pregnant to her brother, trying to keep up appearances and act as if nothing was wrong. As if nothing had changed in her life. That she was grabbing the opportunity of Nambina with both hands and going for it.

  But things had changed. The mixed-up, churned-up sick feeling never left her, no matter the time of day, and the need to tell someone was overwhelming.

  Laura didn’t understand why she still hadn’t told Josh, and she knew she couldn’t tell anyone before she told him. Not even Meghan. Taking a deep breath, she wiped her runny nose on a piece of toilet paper and dabbed at her eyes. She couldn’t go back out like this. Meghan would know something was wrong for sure.

  She stood up and threw back her shoulders. ‘You’re going to have to get a handle on yourself,’ she told herself.

  Catherine’s voice entered her head as Laura imagined what she’d say if she knew about the baby. ‘Cowgirl up, honeybunch. It’s all good! You’re fine. But maybe tell him today, huh?’

  She thought of her practical, lovely friend. They’d met at a field day, eight years before, and bonded over the muddy plot of barley they were learning about. The energy changed when Catherine walked into a room. Her positive attitude and refusal to see a setback as a bad thing were just two of the things Laura loved about her. Catherine’s dream was to bridge the gap between city and country by teaching the farming community how to communicate with their city cousins about their jobs, treatment of animals and producing food. She was the most likely person to succeed whom Laura had ever known.

  Finally she splashed water on her face and went out into the café. Josh was sitting in her seat, breakfast in front of him, and she smiled without thinking. She walked over quickly and put her hands over his eyes.

  ‘Hey there, sexy,’ Josh said. It was their standard greeting.

  She leaned forward and kissed him on the head then sat down in the spare chair. ‘Hi, yourself. What’re you doing in town?’

  ‘Came to pick up some drench for the ewes. Found barber’s pole in one mob. Took the opportunity to pick up some of the photos I took at lunch the other day. I’ve got them in the ute for you.’ He shovelled the bacon and egg sandwich into his mouth. ‘Have you been around your ewes?’

  She nodded. ‘I’m not surprised. I’d been thinking the conditions were pretty perfect for that type of worm. But we’re all good.’ She turned to Meghan. ‘Have they rung yet?’

  Meghan shook her head. ‘Still waiting.’

  Laura really hoped this new doctor would be able to pinpoint what was causing the crippling pain her friend was suffering in the pelvic area. The last doctor had put it down to a urinary tract infection. Laura was sure it was something more serious. Whatever it was, it needed to be sorted out. Meghan had been worrying about herself so much it was affecting her mood. Usually cheerful, she had become despondent and seemed unable to see the good in things.

  Josh reached over and patted his half-sister’s hand. ‘I know this new bloke will get to the bottom of it,’ he said gently. ‘Laurs was right to suggest you go.’

  Meghan nodded and was about to speak when Laura’s phone vibrated again. Laura looked at the number and excused herself. ‘Hi, Jim,’ she said, walking out onto the street.

  ‘Laura,’ the president of the Rural Action Group said. It was yet another committee Laura was involved with. ‘I’ve had an email from a cropping organisation in Western Australia wanting to tour our area. You in?’

  ‘When is it and what do they want to see?’ she asked.

  ‘Next year, June-ish. Crops mostly.’ Jim spoke in short sharp bursts—she could tell he was excited. ‘They’re making a trip of it. Coming over on a bus, stopping off on the west coast, detouring down the east peninsula, footy in Adelaide and then down our way.’

  ‘I’m in, if they want to look over Nambina, but we don’t have a lot of crop.’

  ‘That’s fine. I’ll write you down. And Laura?’ he paused. ‘They’ve invited us back there in July. Be a brilliant opportunity to forge some good contacts.’

  ‘Yeah,’ she agreed, but her heart sank. By then she’d have a tiny baby to care for. There was no way she’d be able to go.

  ‘Catch you later.’

  Laura walked back into the café just as Meghan stood up.

  ‘The surgery just rang. There’s only one patient in front of me now,’ Meghan said to Laura’s questioning look.

  Laura held out her arms. ‘I hope it all goes as well as it can.’ She hugged Meghan tight. Josh stepped up and put his arms around both of them.

  ‘It’ll be fine,’ he murmured into their hair.

  They broke apart and Laura could see Meghan had tears in her eyes. Impulsively she grabbed Meghan’s hand. ‘Do you want me to come with you? I can ring Neil and put our meeting off for an hour or so. It’s only the two of us, anyway. He won’t mind. He’s already changed the time twice. I don’t think it will matter if I do, as well.’

  Meghan shook her head. ‘No, I’ll be okay. This is something I need to do myself. But thanks.’ With a look of apprehension on her face, she left the café.

  Laura and Josh watched her cross the street.

  ‘I hope they find out what’s wrong,’ Laura said softly. ‘I’m beginning to worry.’ She pulled out her diary and wrote a reminder to ring Meghan the following day.

  ‘Me too,’ Josh answered.

  Laura felt her emotions begin to get the better of her again and grabbed Josh’s hand. ‘Come on, I’ve got something to tell you,’ she said, dragging him towards the door.

  As they walked out onto the street, Laura noticed that Josh seemed angry.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ she asked as they walked to his ute, where he handed over the photos. Laur
a stuffed them into her back pocket and they headed towards the park.

  ‘Nothing,’ he answered shortly.

  Laura raised her eyebrows. ‘Doesn’t sound like nothing,’ she countered.

  ‘Who was on the phone to you?’

  ‘Which call?’ Laura asked, forgetting he hadn’t been there for the first one.

  ‘The one you just answered. How many did you get before I arrived?’

  ‘Oh, that was Jim. Jim Munday. You know, the president of the Rural Action Group. Feels like the phone hasn’t stopped today. I don’t think I’d be able to remember everything without my diary.’

  They reached the park and stood beneath a large tree. Laura didn’t know what kind of tree it was, but she knew that the same trees grew around the house on Nambina. When she was a kid, Sean had shown her how to pick the pods and stuff them with painted cotton wool. They looked like robin red breasts and he’d taught her a nursery rhyme: ‘Little Robin Redbreast sat upon a tree’. They’d used the seed pods as Christmas decorations.

  I’ll be able to do that when this little one is born. All at once, she was baffled by her reasoning, which seemed to turn 180 degrees at any given moment. Just this morning she’d been thinking again about terminating the pregnancy.

  ‘I think he’s got his eye on you,’ Josh said, turning to face her.

  ‘What?’ Laura didn’t understand what he was saying.

  ‘Jim. He’s got the hots for you.’

  Laura was silent, not sure where the conversation was heading. ‘So what?’ She shrugged. ‘I don’t have for him. Anyway, I’m sure you’re wrong. He’s never given me any sign that he has.’

  ‘You shouldn’t put yourself in situations where people can get the wrong idea.’ Josh folded his arms, staring at her intently.

  ‘I’m not!’ Inexplicably, tears welled up. ‘How dare you, Josh Hunter!’ She turned away.